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Some Useful Tips on How to Cope with Divorce

I was recently invited to collaborate on an expert panel and share some insights on how cope with divorce. Here are my best tips: Grieving and giving yourself time is a huge part of this process, but it's possible that your husband or wife (divorce initiator) isn't allowing you to grieve as they want to move the divorce along as quickly as they can. If you are the non-initiator in this type of situation, it is very important to get help (support groups, therapy, bio-feedback). It will allow you to grieve, to accept the fact that divorce is real and move forward. It is also very helpful to analyze what had happened during your marriage that brought your spouse to such a painful decision. Changing your surroundings can also be helpful. It's common to want to keep the house/apartment as divorce is extremely overwhelming as is. However, moving out, renting a new place or just redecorating an old place could mean a new fresh beginning in your life. You can read the full article here: How to Cope with Divorce https://www.equitablemediation.com/blog/self-care-strategies-for-how-to-cope-with-divorce

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Some Useful Tips for How to Prepare for Divorce

I was recently invited to collaborate on an expert panel and share some insights on how to prepare for divorce and keep it peaceful. Here are my best tips: 1. Educate yourself and know your options: litigation vs. mediation. I've found that when couples clearly understand the difference between those two options, they are able to discuss their issues in a more amicable manner. To find a mediator that couples are comfortable with and both are able to relate. Otherwise one of them will be resentful and might sabotage the process. 2. Be realistic about your goals and don’t feel entitled to the same lifestyle. Dealing with your emotions prior to mediation, during, and after will help tremendously. Anger, resentment, blame, etc. - all are detrimental. When couples are working with therapists, life coaches, etc. - the divorce process is so much easier. 3. Always keep the best interests of the children in mind. When couples in divorce are able to truly follow this, the divorce process becomes a breeze. You can read the full article here: How to Prepare for Divorce https://www.equitablemediation.com/blog/how-to-prepare-for-divorce

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Reviews of Life Insurance Policies

There’s no way to get around it: death is not a pleasant topic of conversation. However, loss does happen and when it does, it’s crucial to know that the people who depend on you are taken care of. That’s why an experienced and unbiased research team spent months analyzing 67 life insurance companies to help single parents. Their goal was simple: determine the most reliable and smartest options that can help offset funeral costs, ensure stability for dependents, and create some semblance of peace of mind. Ultimately, they created a guide that helps walk people through the process of purchasing life insurance, highlights the different factors they should consider, and translates all the confusing terminology. You can see the guide here: www.reviews.com/life-insurance/ I hope that this research would be a useful resource to you; navigating this overwhelming industry isn’t easy — especially for those of us who already have enough on our plates.

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What is the Good of a Good Divorce?

Being a mediator for over 12 years, I often ask myself a question: what is the “good” of a good divorce and why is good ending valuable even when couples don’t have children and presumably will never see each other again following their divorce? What can mediation give to couples besides the obvious benefits of being much less expensive and time consuming? I believe that good ending can bring forth a good beginning. Couples in mediation, while negotiating over their divorce agreements and trying to find reasonable compromises, often reflect on what went wrong and why. This causes them to contemplate on how they can change their situation in the future for the better. If they can sort out some of their issues while they are in mediation, they are less likely to repeat the same mistakes again. To me this is a huge benefit One of my clients once said to me on their last mediation session: I feel like we could have stayed married if we’d communicated with each other as we do now in mediation. I thought to myself that they could have stayed married should they have learned to communicate earlier and thus become a people they are transforming into now by getting a divorce.

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What can be done to minimize the pain of divorce for your children?

As I have written in my earlier blogs, children will have negative reaction to their parents’ divorce. How to minimize their pain will depend on how divorcing couples handle their divorce situations and how they behave, especially in front of their children. Children need to understand what is going on so they don’t feel “left in the dark” and out of control. However, they don’t need to know every dirty detail and every angry remark you make while you are being separated. Provide truthful information which is age appropriate, emphasize that divorce is not their fault and that your love for them will not change. Do not bad-mouth the other parent to your children, even though you may feel angry and frustrated with him/her, and even though you absolutely truly believe that your ex-partner is totally in the wrong. When you do bad-mouth, children feel that they need to take sides and that increases their feeling of guilt. Another trap many divorcing parents fall for is that they use their children as confidantes. Doing that will make your children feel guilty towards the other parent. Also this way you may overburden them with the information that they absolutely do not need and thus increase their already high stress level. It is a very good idea to consult with a mental health professional on how to help your children cope with your divorce, especially if you feel that the situation gets out of control. If both parents can work with the same mental health professional to minimize their children’s pain and stress, that would create a more stable environment for them. Another very important tip for the divorcing parents is to be as consistent as possible, especially when it comes to visiting and keeping plans. Your children have just experienced a major loss in their lives. By keeping the routines going you help them to maintain some normalcy and equilibrium in their lives.

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