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Common Mistakes Made By Divorced Parents In Raising Their Children

Shielding the children from the pain of your divorce is of paramount importance. I had an opportunity to write about that in the past. However, in my practice I see people repeating the same mistakes which are bound to hurt their children. The most common of those are: Asking a child directly or subtly, “Which of us do you really want to live with, “and thus placing the burden on the child. Allowing a child to take control whenever he or she wants to do so Saying unkind things about the other parent to the child or in the presence of the child. Asking the child to keep a secret from the other parent and in effect, teaching the child to lie. Having the child deliver money or messages from one parent to the other and thus placing the child in the middle. Trying to conduct parental business when exchanging children for visitation. Such exchange times are extremely stressful for the children, and many times they feel like they are living out of a suitcase. Putting on a long, sad face when the child goes from one parent to the other, thus teaching the child disloyalty to that parent. Quizzing the child about what’s going on at the other parent’s home and thus turning the child into a spy or a tattletale. Telling a child who wants a new toy or wants to do something that is costs money and then telling him or her “Ask your father because he doesn’t pay me enough support” or “Ask your mother because I give her lots of child support and she just wastes it.” These are only few examples that, if exercised by one or both parents, are very damaging to your children’s psychological development, no matter how old they are. Your most important role is to help your children to adjust to a single parent family structure. Avoiding those pitfalls will help you to transition and become successful parents despite the fact that you have separated. It is possible to raise successful children for the parents who are divorced!

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Everything You Need To Know About Mortgages

We have a new contributor to our blog! Joe Sheridan of Advisors Mortgage Croup, LLC will be posting on goings-on in the mortgage world on a regular basis. Joe has over 30 years of experience in financial services industry and about 15 years focused solely on mortgages. He has helped hundreds of families deal with the many difficult situations including those related to separation and divorce. I hope that you will find his posting informative and useful. In the interim, should you find yourself in need of a mortgage related information/advice, please see below Joe’s contact information. JOSEPH R. SHERIDAN Sales Manager CELL 973.214.5618 jsheridan@mucloan.com Hello my name is Joe Sheridan I have resided in Morris County NJ for more than 60 years. I spent the majority of my adult life working in the financial departments for several Fortune 500 companies. Realizing that I enjoyed helping others with their finances I began working as a loan officer on a part time basis in 1989. With calls from my mortgage clients taking up more and more of my time, I decided to make it a permanent career change in the fall of 2002. Over my mortgage career I have helped hundreds of families deal with the many difficult situations and the intricacies that may seem overwhelming to the novice. I pride myself in customer satisfaction which in turn has resulted in many repeat clients when they choose to move and/or refinance their mortgages due to lower rates, debt consolidation, retirement or simply to pay for a child's college education. I look forward to helping you in your mortgage process and adding you to my long list of satisfied clients. Please don't hesitate to pick up the phone if you are in the market for a mortgage or if you just have questions about the process. I am here to help. My team of dedicated mortgage specialists are eager to assist you with all of your mortgage needs. Here are some of the reasons to choose me as your mortgage specialist. BIG BANK CAPABILITIES WITHOUT THE BIG BANK ISUES. CONVENTIONAL LOANS, W2 ONLY & BANK STATEMENTS FHA (FEDERAL HOUSING ADMINISTRATION) LOANS VA (VERERANS ADMINISTRATION) LOANS REVERSE MORTGAGES USDA (UNITED STATES DEPT. OF AGRICULTURE) LOANS 203K FHA (FEDERAL HOUSING ADMINISTRATION REHABILIATION LOAN) HOMESTYLE RENOVATION LOAN REFINANCE JUMBO MORTGAGE CONSULTATIONS ARE FREE! Do you have questions about credit, loan programs? Do you want to know how much house you can afford? I will provide you with free advice and a pre-qualification letter. Each month I will be posting information about what is going on in the Mortgage World. CALL TODAY TO LEARN MORE! JOSEPH R. SHERIDAN SALES MANAGER NMLS # 259780 jsheridan@mucloan.com 973.214.5618

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Wrong Marriage, Right Realtor: A Quick Guide to Finding "THE ONE"

This posting was shared by a real estate agent who works a lot with divorcing couples. Please see her contact information on the bottom of this post. Going through divorce is an extremely difficult process. You are being hurt not just financially but emotionally and mentally as well. Having the support of family, friends, and knowledgeable professionals can help alleviate a significant amount of pain directly associated with going through a divorce. Your Biggest Asset: There are so many very different things you need to consider during a divorce. One of the most expensive decisions you have to make involves your real estate. In most cases your home is your most significant asset so choosing the right realtor is critically important. Below are just a few criteria to look for when making the decisions to choose a realtor that is right for you. Referrals With the real estate market booming and – unfortunately – divorce rates increasing, there is a high likelihood that someone in your close circle of your friends and family already knows a realtor who is right for you. Great many people have already gone through what you are going through now and can give you a lot of relevant information. Do not be afraid to ask – anyone who you trust and respect could be a good source of a referral. Also ask your divorce mediator – they can frequently steer you in a right direction. 2. Research Do your DUE DILIGENCE. Don't rush into settling for just anyone to handle your most prized possession. Look online, schedule meetings with multiple realtors, discuss any concerns you may have, ask a lot of questions. Remember that, as a client you should ALWAYS come first; if a realtor hints that you are “annoying” or “an inconvenience” do not deal with that person. You can always find a true professional who will have your best interests in mind. The “Perfect” Divorce Realtor: There are several important qualities that distinguish a good real estate agent that will be right for you: Trust/Honesty/Respect: Finding a trustworthy and honest realtor is the key. While most agents in the field are good, unfortunately there are some that are unethical. If you ever feel that your realtor is not acting in your best interest, do not deal with that person. If you’re not a priority to your realtor, then they are not right for you. This is one of those situations where the customer/client is always right and that’s exactly how you should be treated. There should also be an understanding of confidentiality. Certain personal and private topics are going to be discussed, and it is important that your realtor will not disclose any of your confidential information. They should not only be keep your secrets but also listen to you without any judgement or criticism. Reliability: You need to be able to count on a word of your realtor. If they say they will be somewhere they should be there. If you schedule a time to meet they should not be late for your meeting. Yes, emergencies happen, however, if there is a pattern of tardiness it might mean that that realtor is not very motivated to work with you. If they don't respond to your calls/text in a timely matter (within an hour or two) that’s a problem as well. They are on your time, not the other way around. Sense of Humor: You will be spending significant amount of time with your realtor. You should be able to have a sense that they are a real person, not just a selling machine. I believe that your realtor should possess a certain sense of humor; it is very important for any relationship including those between a realtor and a client. You spend countless hours together over many weeks/months so it’s imperative that you can laugh together. If you don't feel completely comfortable with your realtor and can’t be yourself around them, it should raise a RED FLAG. Many realtors including myself end up having life-long wonderful friendships with their “clients” long after the “deal” is done. Professionalism: The lucky realtor you end up choosing needs to be professional (yes they are fortunate to have your business and if they don’t appreciate it someone else will). They should be qualified/licensed to implement the services you are in need of. I would also recommend hiring someone who has years of experience in the field. Certain knowledge can’t be acquired other than by spending a great deal on a job and can’t be compensated by other personality traits. I hope this short guide can alleviate at least a small burden associated with finding a realtor during a divorce process. About the Author Ella Abramova is a NJ Licensed Real Estate Agent. Working for Keller Williams, her expertise has been in the areas of residential real estate, including many involving divorce cases, as well as investment properties. Her modality is client-centered where the goals, values, and needs of the clients come above anything else. She is well respected in the Bergen County community and is a wife and mother of two. She can be reached at at KW Village Square Realty, 257 E. Ridgewood Ave. Ridgewood NJ 07450: Office: 201-445-4300 x467 Mobile: 201-410-7401 Email: abramovae@kw.com Web: abramovae.kwrealty.com

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Some Useful Tips on How to Cope with Divorce

I was recently invited to collaborate on an expert panel and share some insights on how cope with divorce. Here are my best tips: Grieving and giving yourself time is a huge part of this process, but it's possible that your husband or wife (divorce initiator) isn't allowing you to grieve as they want to move the divorce along as quickly as they can. If you are the non-initiator in this type of situation, it is very important to get help (support groups, therapy, bio-feedback). It will allow you to grieve, to accept the fact that divorce is real and move forward. It is also very helpful to analyze what had happened during your marriage that brought your spouse to such a painful decision. Changing your surroundings can also be helpful. It's common to want to keep the house/apartment as divorce is extremely overwhelming as is. However, moving out, renting a new place or just redecorating an old place could mean a new fresh beginning in your life. You can read the full article here: How to Cope with Divorce https://www.equitablemediation.com/blog/self-care-strategies-for-how-to-cope-with-divorce

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Some Useful Tips for How to Prepare for Divorce

I was recently invited to collaborate on an expert panel and share some insights on how to prepare for divorce and keep it peaceful. Here are my best tips: 1. Educate yourself and know your options: litigation vs. mediation. I've found that when couples clearly understand the difference between those two options, they are able to discuss their issues in a more amicable manner. To find a mediator that couples are comfortable with and both are able to relate. Otherwise one of them will be resentful and might sabotage the process. 2. Be realistic about your goals and don’t feel entitled to the same lifestyle. Dealing with your emotions prior to mediation, during, and after will help tremendously. Anger, resentment, blame, etc. - all are detrimental. When couples are working with therapists, life coaches, etc. - the divorce process is so much easier. 3. Always keep the best interests of the children in mind. When couples in divorce are able to truly follow this, the divorce process becomes a breeze. You can read the full article here: How to Prepare for Divorce https://www.equitablemediation.com/blog/how-to-prepare-for-divorce

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